What does "well-behaved" even mean?

At 20, I left my village in Punjab for a country where I had no relatives and no family. I was a rebel. I was a rebel who was also well-behaved.

What does "well-behaved" even mean?

I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, a well-behaved Indian woman, thanks to my current read.

My younger self was a rebel (now as a mom it's payback time), twenty-year-old me took it to the next level. I left home and moved to a country where I had no relatives and no family, that was intentional. I knew only one family there and they were more than 1,000 miles away, literally.

In my lifetime, I have broken and challenged a lot of rules, and I've done a lot of things differently from what was expected of a girl like me. Single girls from small villages like mine rarely get a chance to choose their life, let alone go to for college.

I don't talk about as much, I come from a prominent family in my village in Punjab. Everybody knew us. Everybody knew my grandparents, especially my granddad. There was an unspoken expectation that so-and-so's granddaughters would, or would not, behave a certain way. And in all these years, I don't think I've ever given anyone a chance to say I wasn't true to my family's values.

That's the balance I live with, I'm a rebel, and I'm also deeply well-behaved.

Some rules I broke without a second thought. Others are so ingrained in me that I don't even have to think about them. (making me sound like I don’t think, I do, ask my 2 a.m. brain with 47 tabs open) These rules just run quietly in the background of who I am. I feel those aren't even rules, just guideposts for how I want to live my life.

I've realized that "well-behaved" can mean very different things, and it isn't about what society expects or what the aunties think (aunty terror is real).

What does "well-behaved" mean to you? What's your own version?

(Yes, I bought this book for its title, and it sparked all of this)

#indianwoman #identity #immigrant #wellbehavedwomen